So O.J. Simpson, college and pro football great, pitchman for Hertz, star of The Naked Gun movies, armed robber, kidnapper and slasher of throats is being set free in October. And where does he have his eyes set on as his future home? You guessed it, right here in Big D. Or should I be more specific and say Frisco, and home of your Dallas Cowboys.
What’s that you say? Simpson working in the front office of The ‘Boys? That hardly sounds like a good decision – even for Jerry. Well never fear Cowboys Nation, that’s not the Cowboys’ plan at all. Nope, not at all.
Simpson, who The Feathered Bull was lucky enough to reach via a somewhat secure prison phone line, gave us his thoughts on his upcoming life after prison. “First off, let me say that this parole was long, long overdue, and I’m glad the board members were all about 5th grade level in intelligence,” The Juice began. “But that’s all behind me now, and it’s time to focus on the next chapter – playing football again.”
That’s right oh faithful readers, Simpson, now 70, feels he still has much to offer – not to society, but to the NFL (and the Cowboys in particular). “Look, the Cowboys are probably going to be without Ezekiel Elliot for a game or two this season,” said Simpson, referring to rumors that NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell will put Zeke in street thes at the beginning of the season for his continued off-the-field “missteps.” And Simpson thinks a game or two is just about perfect for his now “prison-conditioned” body.
“I know Jerry just signed Ronnie Hillman in case Zeke can’t play, but really? Ronnie Hillman? He couldn’t hold my jockstrap,” said Simpson. “I’ve been hitting the weights hard here at Lovelock (Correctional Facility) for the past 8 1/2 years – 8 plus years of non-stop training….I’m ready for a comeback on the field.”
When asked why he thinks the Cowboys would be interested in his services, Simpson simply said, “It’s Jerry’s call. First off, I have the type of character that he obviously likes his players to have. As Jerry says, ‘If you can play on the field, you can play off the field to your heart’s content.’ Second I know Jerry likes the Cowboys to be front and center when it comes to media, and can you imagine anyone bringing more media attention than me?”
When asked his thoughts about what recently happened to Lucky Whitehead, who the Cowboys seemingly released for “off the field” behavior as an example for all to see, and then was subsequently vindicated in his claims of mistaken identity, Simpson simply said, “Lucky Whitehead ain’t no O.J. Simpson.”
When The Feathered Bull reached out to Cowboys’ head coach Jason Garrett to get his thoughts on O.J.’s possible signing with the Cowboys, Garrett said, “We’ll make a decision that’s in the best interest of our football team, we’ll stand by that decision and we’ll move on.”
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